Men are from Mars, women are from Venus. Martian men value strength, ability, and efficiency, and they are goal-oriented; Venusian women enjoy communication and interaction, value their own feelings, and are naturally romantic. Men and women differ in many ways, and they should respect each other’s differences. Men shouldn’t view women through a masculine lens, and women shouldn’t view men through a feminine lens. Remember, men and women are different.
Men often don’t understand what women like.
The most important thing for harmonious relationships between men and women is to remember their differences: men are men, and women are women. Men often don’t understand what women like, and conversely, women don’t understand what men like.
One Sunday afternoon, I went with my wife, Bonnie, to see “The Bridges of Madison County.” The theater was packed, densely packed with women. Besides me, there were two other men. Just a few minutes into the movie, I heard a rustling sound: women opening their bags, searching for tissues. For the women in the theater, this movie was a feast for the eyes.
I was initially intrigued. Eastwood, known for his tough-guy persona and a Martian icon, wouldn’t disappoint us Martians. But the movie wore me out from the start. There were no fight scenes, just endless dialogue. My eyelids grew heavy.
I looked around and saw all the women, rapt and attentive. For these women, the action was just getting exciting. They were speculating about what he would say? How would she respond? What would she think? What would he think? What would her husband think? How would she feel about him? Would she leave him? Would Eastwood stay for her? Would he finally settle down? What was she afraid of? What was he afraid of? Could she heal his broken heart? What was her life like before? What would her life be like after he left? How would a kiss affect her marriage? Would he want to kiss her? Would he take the initiative, or would she? The suspense thrilled the Venusians… I looked at the other two men; they had also fallen asleep.
The movie was incredibly exciting for the women, but dull for the men. Later, I struggled to stay awake, and suddenly, I felt refreshed. It was as if I had just eaten ice cream or had a strong cup of coffee; my energy returned. What had happened? Finally, something appeared on the screen: Eastwood driving his truck onto the covered bridge. But then nothing happened, and the fatigue set in again.
At a discussion, after I told this story, a man came up. He told me he had the same experience, but with one caveat: “When I saw Eastwood get in his truck, I perked up too. But when he got to the covered bridge, he didn’t blow it up.”
Everyone burst into laughter, and I completely understood his point. Because Martian men value power, speed, and achievement. “The Bridges of Madison County” offers emotional connection and exchange, something Venus women crave.
Nowhere is the difference between men and women more evident than in the experience of shopping. Men are highly motivated when shopping. If they want shorts, they grab them and leave as quickly as possible. If their goal is shorts, they don’t think about matching shirts and shoes. Women, however, shop differently. They intend to buy one thing, but wind up buying a variety of other things. Not only do they search and discover more for themselves, but they also buy a lot for others. They enjoy the shopping process more than the purpose. In short, women are not obsessed with goals or outcomes; they care more about the emotional connection and are willing to use it to demonstrate their love. Men, on the other hand, tend to be driven by strong motivations and clear goals. They prefer to save time and energy and get straight to the point.
At every moment, millions of people are searching for their “other half” and savoring the indescribable feeling of love. Likewise, every day, countless people who once loved each other find themselves separated in sorrow and pain—no longer in love, living together in a superficial estrangement, leaving only worry and sorrow. Among those in love, those who can truly carry their love through to the end are rare. According to rough estimates, only 50% of couples live together until old age. And of this 50%, at least half lack loyalty and love for their partners. Only a tiny minority truly express love, firmly uniting their lives with their partners until the end of their lives. What sets them apart is their respect for each other’s differences and their acceptance of all their qualities. It is precisely because of this that the goddess of love descends upon them and favors them forever.
Thus, only by respecting the differences between men and women can we understand each other’s inner desires and enjoy the flourishing and fruitful blossoming of love. In short, you should know: how to win love? How to make your loved one happy and blessed because of you? Always remember: Men are from Mars, women are from Venus.
Martian Sex and Venusian Love
Men and women are different. They have different emotional needs, different perspectives, and different ways of expressing themselves… Among these many differences, the greatest difference is their approach to sex.
While both men and women need sex, they also differ in many ways. Only by understanding these differences can we understand each other’s needs and preferences, truly satisfy each other, and enjoy perfect and harmonious sex. If we ignore these differences, if men always act like men and women act like women, sex will lose its charm. In the long run, marriages will become stagnant.
Harmonious sex is incredibly wonderful. It feels like a relaxing journey after a long day of work; like a stroll through the woods on a bright spring day; like the indescribable exhilaration after reaching the top of a mountain. However, harmonious sex offers much more than that; it can also refresh our bodies and minds. It illuminates our love in a most primal way and strengthens the bond between men and women.
Harmonious sex is not only a sign of a harmonious relationship; it also fills our hearts with love, satisfying all our spiritual needs. Passionate sex, passionate sex, sensual sex, long-term sex, short-term sex, quick sex, refined sex, playful sex, tender sex, rough sex, gentle sex, mechanical sex, romantic sex, purposeful sex, erotic sex, novel sex, cool sex, and passionate sex—these are the very things that keep the flame of love alive. Perfect sex is absolutely crucial to a long-term relationship between two people. Never imagine a life of love without sex. Men and women alike share the same need for sex.
Perfect sex can completely melt a woman, allowing her to open her heart to the depths of her soul, feel love, and remember it forever. A man’s deft and thoughtful caresses can fuel a woman’s love life through the sensation of touch. She will unwaveringly believe that she is the most important person to him. A man’s passion and devotion can satisfy a woman’s inner longing for love. Even if a quarrel has just occurred, and tension has enveloped the entire family, through perfect sex, all the clouds of discord will dissipate, and a woman will once again be overcome by her sense of belonging. Perfect sex allows a woman to achieve the utmost in her desire and satisfaction, radiating the passion of both loving and being loved.
Perfect sex can ignite a man’s hidden sense of accomplishment and liberate him from frustration, instilling passion and confidence in everything, including rebuilding their relationship. Through harmonious sex, a man savors the fruits of his labor in the most primal and direct way. A woman’s physical satisfaction is a man’s spiritual triumph. A woman’s passion and breath of joy activate a man’s instincts of conquest and possession. Heaven’s gates open, and he soars freely. Through a woman’s satisfaction, a man senses her gratitude for his mark and love. Men sometimes hide themselves away like ostriches, but when they return to their own world, they discover that the same longing for love they once expressed is still deeply buried in a woman’s heart.
Great sex can create tender moments in life, allowing both men and women to recall them throughout their lives. These memories trigger the release of chemicals in the brain and body that maximize their pleasure, satisfaction, and love for each other. Furthermore, harmonious sex deepens attraction, stimulates the energy of love, and even improves our health. It not only sparks vitality but also brings us beauty, a sense of belonging, and an appreciation and gratitude for each other and the world.
Great sex is a special gift from God to those who work hard at cultivating love.
A key reason why love is richer than friendship is sex. Great sex can soothe a woman, allowing her to fully express her mature charm, and it can also make a man more masculine. Sex holds immense power, capable of bringing us together or cruelly tearing us apart.
To achieve sexual perfection, relying solely on instinct and habit is far from enough. Over time, the quality of people’s sex life becomes increasingly problematic. The problem is that these changes are so subtle that they’re barely noticeable. It’s as if habit has become habit, becoming routine and dull. To properly care for our partners in bed, new skills are urgently needed.
Men and women have different expectations for sex. If you don’t fully understand these differences, sooner or later, sex will become like washing your face and brushing your teeth—necessary but uninspiring. Believe me, if you’re willing to understand and master perfect sex, and make the small changes necessary, this situation will change completely.
Men and women have different expectations for sex. If you don’t fully understand these differences, sooner or later, sex will become like washing your face and brushing your teeth—necessary but uninspiring.
Women Have Sex for Love
Perfect sex begins with a perfect attitude. Both men and women must have a positive attitude toward sex. If a man feels that his partner enjoys sex as much as he does, he will be deeply attracted to her. Often, men indulge in sexual fantasies and avoid having sex with their partners because they mistakenly believe their partners are uninterested. This can easily happen if one fails to understand the different sexual experiences of men and women.
Women enjoy sex just as much as men do. The difference is that a woman can only feel a strong desire for sex if she’s in love. Therefore, a woman must first feel a man’s love for her, his unique way of cherishing her, before the door to sexual love opens. Women desire sex just as much as men, and sometimes even more intensely. However, for women, love is the foundation of sex, and the importance of sex only becomes apparent once the need for love is satisfied.
For women, love is the foundation of sex, and the importance of sex only becomes apparent once the need for love is satisfied.
Women enjoy sex just as much as men do, but they need to feel loved before they can experience sexual urges and passion. Even if a woman has even the slightest feeling of being loved, her inner desire for sex will stir. Generally speaking, arousing a man’s sexual desire simply requires the opportunity and the right place. After a relationship begins, men’s sexual desire awakens more consciously and quickly than women’s.
This difference between men and women is reflected physiologically. Male hormones, once produced, are released quickly after orgasm. For women, however, the release process is slower, and the desire lingers longer after orgasm.
Women require a slower process to awaken their sexual desire. They crave sexual stimulation only after they feel warmth, sensuality, and attraction. After becoming infatuated with a man, it may take several days for her to begin to desire sex. Women require a relatively gradual process to awaken their sexual desire. Men find it difficult to understand this need in women; they may even equate sex with smoking a cigarette. Men need to act on their desire immediately. Waiting for a few days can significantly dampen their desire. Women, however, are different; they require more tenderness before sex.
When a wife returns home from a business trip, her husband may want sex right away, but she prefers to chat first, slowly arousing her sexual desire. Failure to understand these differences between men and women can easily lead men to feel abandoned, while women can feel exploited.
Often, when a man and a woman first meet, men understand that women need time to develop sexual feelings. However, after they have sex, men often stop nurturing their emotions. In reality, women still need emotional support before sex. A good analogy is this: for women, love is the “entrance ticket” to sex. Because men have a relatively low need for affection, it can be difficult for husbands to understand their wives’ emotional needs.
Men Love for Sex
Women often assume that men only want one thing—sex. In reality, men’s goal is love. Like women, they have a deep desire for love. However, before a man can accept a woman’s love, he needs sexual stimulation—including her beauty, figure, and sex appeal. Just as women need love before sex, men need sexual stimulation before they can feel the urge to love.
Just as women need love before sex, men need sexual stimulation before they can feel the urge to love.
Before women desire sex, they first need emotional fulfillment; men, on the other hand, do the opposite: they gradually satisfy their emotional needs through the enjoyment of sex.
Women don’t understand men in this regard. Why rush into sex? One reason is that sex can help men find the feeling of love. Men often focus on work all day, and the busy schedule and pressures of their careers can cause them to neglect the taste of love. At this time, the intense stimulation of sex can help them regain their senses. Through sex, men open their hearts; through sex, they have the opportunity to give and receive love to the fullest extent possible.
Men love for sex, while women have sex for love.
When a woman begins to understand this difference, her perspective on sex changes. This means she begins to understand and no longer views a man’s desire for sex as rude and unrelated to love. This can dramatically change her perception of a man’s focus on sex.
Men need sex to feel loved. Over thousands of years of evolution, men have learned to suppress their feelings and emotions to accommodate their natural role as protector and provider. Most men believe that completing the work is more important than spending time explaining their feelings. More so-called feelings and emotions will only hinder them from achieving their goals. A man’s duty and nature determine that he needs to feel love through sex.
In an era of brutal warfare, men were forced to set aside their feelings in the face of brutal battles. To feed and protect their tribes, men were constantly confronted with the prospect of death and often endured the torment of both scorching heat and bitter cold. Adapting to the demands of survival, men gradually became numb. In fact, this difference is dramatically reflected in the sensitivity of women’s skin, which is ten times more sensitive than men’s.
To combat pain, nature has taught men to shut down their senses. However, with this loss of pain, men also lose their sensitivity to happiness and love. For most men, hitting their fingers with a hammer or watching a football game won’t re-sensitize them, but sex can, and it undoubtedly brings men to their highest levels of sensitivity. Sex allows men to regain their senses. When their senses are awakened, they rediscover the love hidden deep within. Through sex, men regain their senses; through feeling, they return to the depths of their souls.
Why Women Can’t Understand
Men are from Mars, women are from Venus. Martian men and Venusian women experience sex completely differently, but unfortunately, men and women seem to struggle to recognize this, instead interpreting each other based on their own feelings. Women primarily need a sense of security. If a woman feels cared for in a relationship, she experiences happiness and the love within her is aroused. When a woman’s emotional needs are met in this way, her desire for sex becomes stronger.
If a couple lacks communication, or if a man has been distant for several days, and then he wants sex, women can be confused. They may feel as if he doesn’t care about their emotional connection. They don’t realize that a man’s desire for sex stems from a desire to rekindle and share his love. Just as communication and interaction are important to women, sex is also important to men.
A woman’s response to sex allows a man to gauge how much he feels loved. Women should understand that sex is the most powerful tool in guiding a man to love you.
Our mothers used to tell us, “To win a man’s heart, you must first win his stomach.” Now, this wisdom is no longer relevant. Sex is a fast track to a man’s heart.
What Men Need
A man is most masculine when he feels accepted, trusted, and appreciated by a woman. Once a woman’s emotions are aroused, she will fully satisfy a man’s needs.
A woman is most open and trustworthy when she anticipates sex with a man. This anticipation makes a man feel completely accepted, and in turn, grateful. This most authentic experience allows a man to sense the changes he is undergoing.
If a wife knows how to enjoy sex, even if her husband feels exhausted after a long day, sex can quickly relax him. While it may appear that sex invigorates a man, it actually allows him to rediscover his senses and reconnect with a woman’s love. The warmth of love returns and becomes a part of his being. Like a thirsty man wandering in the desert, sex allows a man to find water in an oasis of his own senses. If a wife knows how to enjoy sex, even if her husband feels exhausted after a long day, sex can quickly relax him. Sex can keep a man strong and cultivate a gentle disposition. Skillfully maintaining passion during sex can not only experience sexual pleasure but also deepen the love between him and his partner.
The Secret to Harmonious Sex
Five years into my marriage to Bonnie, I finally understood the secret to harmonious sex.
After one orgasm, I said, “Wow, that was amazing! I loved it, every little moment. It was like we were newlyweds…”
I expected her to nod in agreement, something like, “Yeah, it was amazing.” However, Bonnie said nothing and looked a little confused.
I asked, “Don’t you think it feels great?”
Bonnie replied earnestly, “Much better than before.”
I suddenly felt an indescribable feeling within me. “What do you mean by ‘much better’? Were you hiding it all this time? How can you say it’s much better now? Wasn’t it wonderful before?”
Bonnie continued, “It was wonderful when we were first married, but we didn’t fully understand each other then. Now it’s different. You know the pure Bonnie. You know my strengths and weaknesses, and you still enjoy being with me and having sex with me. Now our sex isn’t based solely on passion; it’s also based on reason. So, sex is more perfect for me now.”
From that moment on, I realized the true meaning of her words. Isn’t love the secret to harmonious sex? The more you understand your partner and the closer you become to your relationship, the more perfect your sex will become.
Over the years, my experience with sex has also been changing. However, it wasn’t until that conversation with Bonnie that I began to realize this and knew where I needed to work. In the next chapter, we’ll explore how to continuously improve our sex.